Happy and warm

Today's happiness was in finding the perfect jacket. No fur, no leather, no feathers and perfectly warm. It's exactly what Iv been looking for -- for months! !! 😃 It's the kind of happiness that makes you grin at the cashier out of sheer joy!

Life has so much more to offer when we just get out of bed early and put on those walking shoes.

One that stood out.

A 'shot' of adrenaline

This morning I woke up to the sounds of gun fire. Not one or two shots but multiple bouts of rapid firing. For a second or two i lay on my bed making sure i wasn't dreaming. Just last night i was talking to Amit about how we had gone to a remote village in Rajasthan to watch papa during his field firing exercise. This wasn't a dream, those sounds were for real. I tried waking up Amit "do you hear firing?" I don't know, he replied groggily and went back to sleep.

Rat-ta-ta-ta-tat .... there's that sound again. I jumped out of bed, quickly checked on Ayaan and went to the balcony. The streets were eerily quiet. No sirens no helicopters. What the fuck! I checked the local news.. ok so the police foiled two terrorist attempts in Sweden. Was this the third? A surprise attack? But why were there no cops on the street? Why hadn't they cordoned off the area? Why no ambulance? What was going on? And all this while in the background there was intermittent firing.

I checked online if there was a firing range close by. There was.. but an indoor one. Damn. What was going on outside...and why werent there more people looking out of their balconies?

"That's not normal! I screamed in my head.

And just like that it stopped. Silence...But still no sirens. Somethings amiss.

Amit came out.. saw the perplexed look on my face and said "They probably are just drilling some rocks."

Drilling rocks? oh! The tunnelbana.

hmmmm...

Coffee, i need coffee.

I saw that.
          - Karma

And then there are times when you think you are in the shadow of something large and immovable, 

and sunlight finds a way to shine on you 

carpe diem

i will race you to the water front.. 

get off the highway and leave tomorrow behind. 

there is a world between dreaming and waking up
 and thats where we're going. 

take a step and come along..

i promise you a journey you wont forget.

"Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing,

there is a field. I will meet you there.When the soul lies down in that grass,the world is too full to talk about. Language, ideas, even the phrase each other doesn't make any sense" - Rumi

These are a few of our favorite things...

There is a little wild area right next to the playground. Its a nice hilly area to walk through and exercise. And it also has all these quiet corners where one can read or just sit in peace. Ayaan and i take walks in these woods and look out for "interesting things' 

It usually starts with collecting pine cones...

... because they are everywhere and because we love 'em!

Trees do make for endless discussions. There is so much to see... so much to imagine...

We see faces in the woods, some friendly and some grumpy...

And sometimes we see magical things...

We look up and we look down... We look all around, for stones, twigs and little creatures...

Some we see up close...

Some we see from far...

Some we experience...

Pine Tree resin

Some we collect...

We walk till we can walk no more, sometimes in silence as little eyes concentrate on finding the "next big thing" . Spongy moss, flowery lichens, pine needles, berry trees... Countless questions and hard-to-control giggles...

Little things big excitement.

In all things of nature, there is something of the marvelous  - Aristotle

I wish it would rain down

Every now and then, there comes a moment that makes you stop and take a deep breath. That makes you wish that time would stop just so you can take it all in.

Tonight i had a moment like that. A beautiful night sky, invoking too many emotions, too many thoughts. A deep longing for home and its familiar sounds. I think of the things i should have said, things i shouldn't have done. People i am thankful for. People i wish were still around.

Life's bits and pieces scattered around in memories and thoughts. i am silently thankful for this moment thats left me speechless.

New beginnings and learnings

Today our second little friend flew away. Late last night when i checked on him he had turned a dark brown color, and sometime during the night he emerged from his cocoon.

When we saw him in the morning he was fluttering around the vase. So it was good we were able to observe the first one go through all the stages. Pests or not, these moths are beautiful with the light brown diamond shape running down the back.

Ayaan and i both learnt a few things with this project. Mine are technical, like i need a smaller, smooth walled vase for such projects, and maybe a better camera :) Ayaan's observations are more interesting - he noted that the moth changed color from green to brown, and that they sleep for a long time. He thought that "cocoon" is a funny name for a sleeping bag.

He wants me to get more such insects so he can watch them. In all it was a good project to do with him.   As they say - One man's pest is another one's pe(s)t  ;)

Have wings will fly!

Ladies and gentlemen, presenting a brand new moth! :) Got to the vase just in time to see him do this. :)

The moth stayed like this for a while. Moths and Butterflies fan out their wings after emerging to get the fluid flowing into the wings and to expand them. 

Here we see the wings in their normal positing. Though the antennae are still folded back. On top of the cauliflower floret, the discarded cocoon is visible.

Almost ready! The wing tips are turned upwards in a fan like fringe. The antennae are out straight.

Ready to take on the world of vegetables :) Since i have seen it up close i can make out the fan like wing tip in this picture. Hope you can too!







After the moth fluttered away, I took out his larval casing from the vase.

And tried taking pictures using my mini microscope. The pictures are not all that great but boy it was fascinating to observe the new moth and his old larval casing!

This is an image of the cocoon which our friend never really used. 

One end of the casing

Here we can see the segments.

 The one who started out first is still in his cocoon. Although he is much darker now and the wing folds are visible. Will keep you posted on how he does.

I am curious why these two went on different paths. Is is gender dependent, hormonal or environment triggered. Lets see if we find some answers online.

******

New observations:

1. The pupa is positioned facing the vase, i.e his back is attached to the glass wall.

2. The body is still a pale color, only the wings are dark brown. Legs are not visible yet.

Eyes and Wings

Something interesting is happening with our project subjects. They both have taken different paths of development. On day 2 the last observation was that the second larva had begun pupating. Although i couldn't blog, i did check on them daily. And here are the observations

August 4, Day 3 - The second larva seemed to have discarded his incomplete cocoon and had lodged himself in between the florets, on the base of the vase. He wriggled periodically but wasn't active as before. He stayed there the whole day.

The first pupa however, seemed to be doing fine and had turned completely pale now. He was the same color as his cocoon.

August 5, Day 4: I could see what look like eye spots on the pupa.  The second one was still on the floor, and unlike his companion, this one dint lose his color at all. Still a bright green.

August 6, Day 5: The first pupa remained (visibly) unchanged. The second however, has started to turn brown. And he also has developed eye spots. I don't know if he has conked off and thats why he is turning brown, but it seems like the color is taking shape of wings. 

Got this mini microscope to see them better. :)

August 7, Day 6: The first pupa has very clear eye spots. And is turning slightly brown. The second one is still without a cocoon and has turned a dark brown on the top half of his body. I still have to figure out how to take pictures using the microscope but the second one clearly has winglets now. :)

Day 2

A lot has happened over night! Our friend on the wall is now covered in a delicate thread like cocoon.

And he is now considerably lighter in color than before. The pupa eventually turns brown during the later stages. The cocoon also seems smaller than the active larva. This stage lasts for about 5-15 days depending on the environmental conditions.

The larva meanwhile, is busy eating. Grainy bits of cauliflower can be seen on the walls and at the base of the vase. My phone camera is not sharp enough to capture these :-/

******

Our evening check revealed that the second one has also started pupating. It's cocoon is not complete yet and 1/4th of the body is outside. Will try and take a photo tomorrow when the light is better.

New beginings - Day 1

Today I found two bright green caterpillars while i was cleaning a cauliflower for lunch. Since moths and butterflies usually have a short life cycle, it seemed like a good project to start with Ayaan. So here they are in a glass vase sharing a floret.

They are about 9-10 mm in length with a forked posterior and tend to curl up when disturbed. Online research indicates they could be Diamondback moth caterpillars. This moth is found worldwide and is a common vegetable pest. The larval stage lasts for about 14-16 days, so lets see when ours begin to pupate :)


******

Late evening, one of them had left the floret and was attached to one side of the vase. Hope he is not sulking and is just getting ready for the next phase :)

I wished upon a star and it came true

2013 was very oh-hum when it came to family trips. We did just two trips in the whole year. So 'travel' was one of the things we decided to focus on for 2014. But you know when you make plans and you get what you wanted... and then some? That's exactly what has happened.

February and March we were in India. A month each in Kerala and Jammu with trips to Karnataka and Punjab thrown in and of course Mumbai being our stop-over place between trips. This was one of the very few trips when we managed to strike the perfect balance between meeting family and friends and traveling. Back home in Amsterdam i couldn't stop raving about the trip and how the year had started out so well.

In April we made a trip to Malaga, Spain. A relaxed 10 day holiday in the sun when it was rainy and cold in Holland. We came back all tanned and had just settled back in rhythm when news came that Amit had to relocate to Stockholm.

Stockholm?! Too many things got in the way of full on excitement. Ayaan was supposed to start preschool, and since there was no exact date as to when we have to move, we din't let him join in the spring session. We spent the next two months sorting our stuff, getting rid of the unwanted and boxing the rest (it is surprising how much stuff one collects over the years!). The last two weeks went in goodbyes and dinners with friends.

We finally moved to Stockholm in July. It was love at first sight!! Stockholm is beautiful. 'I-can't-stop-taking-pictures' kind of beautiful. The buildings flow with the landscape and you see rocks and boulders everywhere. It's a city built around nature. If something didn't need to be moved. It's left as is.

Its been a month and we've had the best time. We've made friends at the play ground - there is a girl who is going to start in the same school as Ayaan, I found a language class i want to take when Ayaan starts school, Amit has settled into a routine - and then the bomb hit.

We are moving to Denmark in a couple of months.

Seriously? Seriously? Copenhagen?! Sure i am excited. But too many things are in the way of full on excitement. No exact date of moving, new school for Ayaan, finding an apartment, re-packing and the eventual unpacking.

It's a new start. And what could be better that moving to the world's happiest city? Right?

 I am thinking back to when i wished for a different year.  To the higher forces that make the world turn... our wish for this year is done. Thank you for listening. Really. But now could we just stay in one place and not look at another travel plan for the rest of the year?

 Please?

I'm a believer

This evening Ayaan saw his first woodpecker. We were at the park when i heard the unmistakable tuk tuk tuk - tuk tuk tuk  sound coming from somewhere behind me. A quick scan of the pine trees revealed the source - a Great spotted woodpecker.  Ayaan was so curious to see what had caught my attention he literally jumped off a moving swing. At the same time he know he had to be quiet (thanks to all the squirrel watching we do). We saw the bird in action for close to 3-4 minutes. After it flew away, i was bombarded with questions. Why is it called a woodpecker, why does he make holes, does he like insects, why was his bum red?

Exhausting as his questions are, i try my best to patiently answer them. And i realize that he is getting more observant.  That he noticed the red bum, tells me he was looking closely.

This was remarkably different from when we took him to Skansen last weekend. It is the world's oldest open air museum that also houses a zoo. I am not a fan of zoos, no matter how big or spacious they are. And till now we had avoided taking Ayaan to one. 

The Nordics section of the zoo has Lynx, wolves, bears and moose amongst other animals. It was hot and the bears were out in the pool. Ayaan was excited for like 10 seconds and once he realized that the bears were not going anywhere and that he didn't have to be quiet, he lost interest. There were about 20 other people around us, and although there was no shouting or random acts to attract the bears' attention, there was considerable human activity outside the enclosure. The bears were oblivious to it all. They did have a big enclosure with all natural elements in it. Ironically the only thing unnatural in that enclosure were the bears themselves. Ayaan asked me just one question. Why is he playing with a ball? 

Maybe he was tired, distracted by the crowd, or he sensed my disinterest in the animal. I dint think of it much until today. 

As a mother i want him to experience the positive examples of everything.

I believe that freedom, like love, is hard to explain. To fully understand it, one has to either lose it or experience it in its true form. And watching my son quietly crouching under a tree observing a little bird reinforces my belief that there is nothing like seeing an animal in its natural habitat - wild and free.

Every (Indian) wife must read this...

The other day i got a message on whatsapp. It came with a big heading "Every wife must read this". I was expecting another one of those silly husband-wife jokes, instead what i got was this:

"Love him when he orders you to make tea or coffee. He wants to feel fresh to listen your nonstop talks.....
Love him when he tells you to look after the kids..he wants you to be a good mother. ....
Love him if he looks at all the beautiful females. ...he is just checking that you are still best.
Love him if criticize your cooking. .he is still improving his taste.....
Love him if snores at night and disturb your sleep. He is trying to prove that he is the most relaxed person..
Love him if he wears funny clothes ..he is just trying to look younger
Love him if he forgets to give you gift on your birthday he is saving money for your future. .. Love him ..you don't have choice!! "


I was getting angry as i read through, and by the time i finished, i was mad. MAD. Just the thought that someone spent time and thought on this ridiculous message and had the audacity to forward it... arrgh. and it was being passed on...by women!!


The first time i got this (yes there was a second time) I wrote back asking how could a self respecting mother of two forward such a demeaning message? I dint send it though... instead i took a deep breath, re-wrote my reply and sent her this: " I am sure a middle aged perverted guy wrote this message. a perfect excuse to be rude, lazy, irresponsible and inconsiderate. Don't change, just convince the woman that she has no choice but to love him." I added a "lol" just to tone it down.

And then, i got the same message, from another mom.

I want to know what is wrong with us women? How can we accept such a message, such a disrespectful, male chauvinistic chain of thought? And why are we passing it on? Indian women don't have it easy. Our patriarchal society teaches us that men don't cook, do the dishes, take out the garbage, do laundry or buy groceries. Some of us, of course, may have maids (again, a woman) doing these for us, but the point is, we grow up with a clear demarcation of what girls can and cannot do, likewise for boys.

My teacher once asked me "Apna, has no one ever told you that girls don't whistle?" ( a friend and I were just trying to whistle out a popular tune) Why? I wanted to ask her. Why? But i kept shut.

That was years ago. and it angers me that a decade and a half later,  we are still passing around such messages, using technology to reinforce the archaic thought that men are superior and women should be grateful to even share the same space, doesn't matter that he treats you like furniture.

Imagine a wife gathering her courage to talk to her husband about his rude behavior. Or his inconsiderate ways. She gets a message like this and you get a crack of self doubt -  right in the middle of her platform of confidence. Because someone is reinstating that she has no choice but to love him. And because most probably the person sending this to her is a woman. 

Indian women are dependent on their husbands. Maybe not financially, but socially. Divorce is still frowned upon, and remarrying is an inconceivable thought if you are a woman. So basically, if a couple does get divorced, the man still has chances of remarrying with full traditional honors. But the woman will most likely spend her life as a divorcee and if in the rare chance that she does remarry, the wedding will probably be a facade of the actual ceremony. 

Women are still told to compromise - "log kya kahenge" (what will people say) is the foremost concern. It is ingrained in our sub conscience.  We are taught to put our husbands needs before ours. Think about the children first.  Think about the family honor. The society. You have to dress a certain way, talk a certain way - can't do this, can't do that. 

All this angered me then, and it angers me now.

Does being a woman take away your right of having a good night's sleep? What if she was the one the who snored, would the husband keep quiet? Would the husband not mind if she started checking out all the hunks in the neighborhood? Then why should she? Why tell her to shut up when she wants to stand up for something? Why tell her to love him if he treats her like dirt? Why?

Yes, make tea/coffee for him, but not as a slave. There should be no ordering. Make it because you want to. He is has a wandering eye, talk to him. If he doesn't listen, give him a taste of his own medicine. If he doesn't like your cooking, in spite of you making all possible changes; ask him what he would like better - to take a cooking class himself or go live with his mom. If he forgets your birthday,- no big deal, gift yourself something nice and show it to him. Be independent.
 
Marriage has to be 50-50. Not the 50-50 where you cook, he eats. He makes a mess, you clean. But the 50-50 where you both cook, and eat together. You do the dishes, while he folds the laundry. Take turns taking out the garbage.

And please, please do not pass on messages that push us deeper into the patriarchal muck. Go ahead, forward something funny, or positive. Not this.


And remember, you ALWAYS have a choice. 

i wish i was a cloud, relaxed and free

floating over mountains, floating over seas

drifting away where the wind takes me..

puffs, swirls, wavy or fancy

now a tea pot now a pansy...

light wisps when the sky is blue

cirrus they'd call me

a fair weather friend mind you..

cumulonimbus dark and heavy

thunderstorms and rain

scaring kids a many..

a blanket for the moon or a shade for the sun

an object of desire making lovers swoon..

i wish i was a cloud, relaxed and free 

floating over mountains, floating over seas

drifting away where the wind takes me..